9 August 2025

How does it happen?

How does what happen?

Me pittering the day away on useless activities. Me staying up later than I should. Time and time again.

The same way that it always happens. You find a task stressful and you delude yourself into thinking that you can pitter just a little slice. But you find yourself with the same choice - and choose the same way. Why wouldn't you?

It's so shameful to think about it. I don't like reflecting on it.

And that is exactly the problem, Sashna! You don't accept your feelings. You prefer to avoid them, at any cost. You lose perspective and engage in self-deception.

I know, Darth. I often feel angry at myself for it. There are times when you seem less angry at it than I am. More just disappointed.

So, what are you going to do about it?

I don't know. I think that it needs to focus on those two problems - avoidance and self-deception.

Yes. We're not here to be at peace even when things are precarious. When the outcome is uncertain and you care about it, you feel stressed. When you fall short, you feel shame, anger even.

You need to acknowledge those feelings. Do not shrink from them. Name your feelings - it will help. And be honest about how you manage your time. Know that the way you swing in the morning is generally how you will keep swinging. When you wake up, you will be sleepy. You shall not use that as an excuse. You shall pick up your assignments and work on them. You will face obstacles. Look for the resources you need. None of this is hard - you just need to know what to do.

Indeed. I am stressed. I feel anger rising in me. I am exceedingly tired.